I need some opinions please on marital situation?

My husband & I have been separated (2nd time) for a month. About 3 yrs ago his friend violated me while I was intoxicated and I stayed quiet for safety reasons. When my spouse found out he was very angry but only at me. He is still friends with this guy to this day. He didn't leave me but tormented me with absurd accusations and rages. I really loved this man & did all I could to please him and be a good wife. 6 mths ago I lost my job. He accused me of being with a co-worker and left me. I thought that was a sign I'd been used all those years cus he didn't leave me when I had the job. Well about 3 mths ago I had a female cousin over and he had with her. They both failed my test and proved disloyal--I didn't know who to believe. Because I was angry he left me again for a month. I didn't hear from him for days and I was truly heartbroken. A couple of good friends and a relative saved my life as I tried to take it cus I was so crushed. This man is insanely jealous and possessive of me yet when I'm home he pays hardly any attention to me. I felt as a possession not a person he valued/respected. I've always had to deal with his habit, which if mild is no issue but it's been such an issue when we were intimate I felt as if he was somewhere else and just pleasuring himself. Not the case when I caught him with my cousin. He never had with me the way he did with her. I admit, I'm about 35 lbs overweight yet ppl tell me I'm stunning. She was the opposite. Very plain but thin. So naturally I felt insecure. Recently a guy friend (platonic) just texted me and he went over the deep end accusing me of cheating and left again. This time he keeps coming around, leaving his belongings and calling/texting me, trying to be with me on the weekends. Something just feels very insincere and wrong. My only downfall has been taking painkillers for a spine problem after a car wreck. Sometimes they make me loopy. But I hadn't taken any for a while. Yesterday I did and he called me and umed I just wanted to "get high". So he came over and berated me and told me he didn't want me, would never touch me, that I was "average", and he had not only 1 but 3 girlfriends. All in a very ruthless shouting manner dripping with sarcasm. Since he was spewing all this crap I asked him if he really enjoying with my cousin and he yelled YES. I left my own apartment and stayed the night with my aunt. He claims he is so pissed at me for relapsing but he also asked me for $5 he spent on me for food earlier so I gave it to him and he threw it at my daughter. I didn't know what to think but it's odd--my feelings changed overnight. I can't stand him now cus I don't know if what he said during his anger is true or he said it to hurt me. Either way the intent and result was painful for me. Yet he claims he loves me. I told my aunt and she said he is "sick". I feel like I'm going crazy cus of the time invested and all that has happened. 15 yrs. I'm going to be 37 yrs old and I feel so bad, foolish. Am I just sensitive or is this guy just a jerk and should I just move away? I feel as if a part of me died. Help....please.....thank you.